Stop Getting Triggered At Work: Great Leaders Think With More Than Just Their Brain
Why the most impactful C-Suite leaders understand the power of somatic training. And 6 Steps to practicing on your own so you stop triggers at work.
The young CEO sat in front of me looking for answers.
“I just have a certain type of person that triggers me,” he starts. “ I can’t describe them exactly – but I tend to just lose patience. I get really frustrated and short with them. Even if it doesn’t show on the outside, on the inside I am seriously ready to implode. One is a key member on our Board and the other is on our C-Suite team, so I need to figure it out,” he said, a bit panicked.
I asked him to tell me where he feels the trigger when it fires; where does he lose patience and get frustrated. “In my brain, of course,” he said, as he pointed to his head.
In the meditation community, there is a saying - “you are not just a head pulling around a body.” But so often, we move throughout our day experiencing life and each other as no more than our brain. We are missing the full story. And the best leaders know that true regulation and wisdom comes from more than just a mental reaction.
We often live from “our head forward” – about 3-4 feet. It is as if we are watching a 30 second TV spot that airs just in front of us. Our actions and reactions to that TV station come from a disembodied place, one that is often subject to our brain’s conditioning – what we like or don’t like, that bully that tormented us in grammar school or the mean teacher who we were desperately afraid of disappointing. And we respond in unhealthy ways.
This programming is what we often use as we move through our workday - managing actions and reactions, calculating our best move and trying to guess what our colleagues really mean through a veil of our own conditioned brains- and theirs! Throw politics in the mix and it is a recipe for personal torment.
So why do the best leaders seem to move through their day with ease? Why does their very presence in a meeting bring about a grounded, thoughtful environment? How do they respond with deep wisdom, allow for space and create a safe and nonreactive meeting?
True regulation, patience, wisdom and yes, executive presence, comes from getting the whole-body system on board! So, here are some steps to help you practice:
Step 1
Before you start a meeting or important conversation, place both feet flat on the floor. Feel the soles of your feet in your socks and shoes. Feel your feet firmly planted on the floor.
Step 2
Take some deep breaths and practice “running” the breath past your nostrils feeling the cool air pass through all the way down to your feet, like a leaf falling from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet.
Step 3
Notice your arms and hands. Feel their weight and allow that weight to pull the shoulders down.
Step 4
Before you speak or respond, take a breath and feel the whole body breathing through every pore. This does not have be strange or even noticeable! As one of my favorite teachers says, “don’t be weird about it.”
Step 5
Let the answer come not just from the brain’s conditioned “first” response. Notice where your body is – what are the articulations happen with your adrenaline? Is it rising? Can you soften it before you respond? SO many of our poorest responses come from unchecked adrenaline.
Step 6
Once the meeting or iteration is over, repeat step 1.
When we stop relying on our conditioned brains as the sole resource at work - and in life - we can find calm, peace and an easier way to just “let it all go” when we are triggered. Try it for yourself.
